Health Care Strategy

By: The Third Beltway Boy

With all the talk recently regarding how best to provide medical care in the United States I believe there is an argument that has gone unnoticed. Talks of a one-payer system and allowing for competition across state lines are all well and good. But we’ve been arguing about these things for years and all we’ve gotten out of it is a bizarre one thousand page bill that the president himself did not read before he signed.

So I would like to offer the following advice to any potential 2012 presidential candidate running on behalf of the G.O.P. The argument is based on three things:

1) Denzel Washington’s charisma

2) The American peoples love of cinema

3) No good movies set to come out until The Hobbit in 2013.

During a debate any potential candidate would be able to convince President Obama that my previous three premises are true. If he denies Denzel’s charisma he’ll lose the woman vote.  If he denies Americans love movies he’ll lost the American Film Institute vote.  And finally  if he says that there is a good movie coming out before The Hobbit he’ll lose the home school vote for his support of Harry Potter.

Once Obama has agreed to all three premises the candidate (hopefully Newt) can spring his trap. I suggest he/she then word their question something like this “So, Mr. President, in this time of financial turmoil, with wars overseas and are borders in crisis, with your support of a universal health care system are you willing to deny the American people of a sequel to John Q.?”

Checkmate.

Centrist Olbermann Suspended

By: The Third Beltway Boy

Political and media experts were surprised to learn that Keith Olbermann personally contributed thousands of dollars to liberal congressional candidates, two being from the same state of Arizona. The middle of the road commentator shocked his fellow co-workers when the allegations came to light. Rachel Maddow, known for her even keel analysis of current events, responded to the news saying “Me and Keith had just finished listening to a really good Billy Graham podcast with our producer when the boss came and took Keith aside. I figured he was either disappointed he missed this week’s episode or just wanted to thank him for his positive attitude he displayed on air. Maybe both.”

Mr. Olbermann revealed to a K and R source that the contributions were not politically motivated. “I don’t have a partisan bone in my body” Olbermann said. Chris Mathews agreed saying “I don’t remember Keith ever overtly supporting one side or the other. We always urge him to pick a side but he always reminds us that it’s not his job to do analysis, just report. He’s like a modern day Michael Jordan, but instead of wanting to sell shoes, he wants to sell truth.”

Instead close associates of Olbermann claim he made the donations by mistake. A close friend had this to say “He was trying to donate to areas he thought might soon experience earthquakes. His heart is so big he can just sit around and wait for them to happen. And Arizona sits on a fault line.”

In a letter released to the media an MSNB spokesman stated “We regret any appearance of bi-partisanship from the network. As a news station we pride ourselves on delivering the news opinion free. We would ask that you do not judge our fourteen years of reporting on this isolated incident.” After Robert Gibbs released this statement he was seen with Olbermann at a neighborhood soup kitchen as they both have agreed that poverty is not an issue of “left” or “right”.

Election Reflections 2010

By: The Third Beltway Boy

Watching and reading democratic pundits respond to the trouncing received by their ideological twins in the House and Senate Tuesday night has been uncomfortable – at best.  It was clearly embarrassing to the Left that the “Party of ‘No’” was able to say “Yes” to picking up at least sixty seats in the House, and making significant gains in the Senate.  But even in the face of this landslide democratic “strategists” (a term that has yet, to my satisfaction, been defined) clenched their teeth, lowered their shoulders, and made an already-awkward situation (for them) even more awkward (for us).

Some examples:

1) A local Fox television anchor in Chicago commented about the loss of Obama’s former senate seat saying that Republicans, “Typically win that seat anyway.”

2) The Blog Queen of Mean, Arianna Huffington, reflected: “Turns out, sometimes even if you weren’t the one who broke it, you own it. So it is with our broken economy. Bush broke it, but Obama, under-estimating just how broken it is, owns it.”

3) The far-Left website, The Daily Kos, asserted “Democrats are still more popular than Republicans. Democratic policies are still more popular than Republican policies when we explain them…it’s just that the average American doesn’t have the time or inclination to be explained to.”

Here is my own quick analysis of each quote:

1) That is dumb.

2) According to Huffington, Obama’s issue was not the unpopular stimulus package, healthcare bill, or soaring huge deficits, but rather that the president did not know how bad the economy was at the time of the election. Thus, following Huffington’s “logic,” what the president really needs to do to improve his presidential game is to go on the CBS hit show “Undercover Boss”. There he could come to better understand that when people are out of work it is not good for the country.

3) This is like saying that Eddie Murphy doesn’t make horrendous movies, we just don’t take the time to understand the depth and breadth of his prolific comedy.

 

The Day the Thrill Died

By: The Third Beltway Boy

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) had this to say to host Chris “Community Organizers Make Me Swoon” Matthews on MSNBC last night:

 

And Chris was singing…

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How Obama used to make me smile.
And I knew if he had his chance
That he could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But in November it made me shiver
With every election return I’d deliver.
Bad news on MSNBC’s doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about the GOP’s rising tide,
But something touched me deep inside
The day Obama’s presidency died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my government motors chevy hybrid to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old RINO’s were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, “this’ll be the day his leg-tingle dies.
“ya, this’ll be the day Matthews’ leg-tingle dies.”

Wallis Finds It Difficult To Order Grub

By: The Third Beltway Boy

Jan Nelson, veteran waitress at local Wheaton, IL late-night eatery ‘Ricks Diner’ reported profound difficulty when attempting to serve famed liberal theologian Jim Wallis. According to anonymous sources, Wallis happened upon the diner while driving back to his hotel after his lively debate with Dr. Arthur Brooks (President, American Enterprise Institute) at Wheaton College’s Edman Chapel, and was simply “looking for a bite.”

Eye-witnesses indicate that after being treated to a number of humorous and heart touching anecdotes about organic chicken farmers in the Two-thirds World, Ms. Nelson became impatient and asked what Reverend Wallis was hoping to order.  Allegedly, instead of conceding to the waitress’ partisan demand, Wallis broke eye contact with the busy woman and began engaging the  couple at the table next to him with the line that made him famous: “I’m for the ‘what works’ approach when it comes to me getting full.”

He explained to them in a pithy 15-minute dialogue-turned-monologue that he did not care what kind of food he eats so long as it fills him up. “I don’t care or if its pancakes or crepes, I’m just looking to get rid of this pesky grumbling in my belly.”

Ms. Nelson proceeded to tell Wallis that crepes were in fact not on the menu. She implored him to pick from the limited number of legitimate options. Wallis responded saying that his bias is not towards any  one, divisive choice but towards ending his hunger.  “I won’t be pigeon-holed into any one of the ‘Breakfast,’ ‘Lunch,’ or ‘Dinner’ menu camps.”

At 12:55 a.m., five minutes before the restaurant was to close, Ms. Nelson informed Mr. Wallis that he must either order or exit the premises. Wallis continued to search the menu and then, clearly frustrated, said loudly so all could hear “I see appetizers and main courses, but no desserts. Where is the third leg of the stool?”

One frustrated patron in Rick’s Diner the night of the incident told K&R Blog that at the time of the restaurant’s closing, Wallis was behind the lunch-counter explaining to the kitchen staff how the wait staff received better pay and advocated for an all-employee “sit-in” until the injustice of having to voluntarily work at an agreed-upon wage was rectified.